Drugs, Drugs and more Drugs

The first time you get the "big box" of drugs, you're excited that you're moving onto the next step and full of hope, but at the same time you're freaked out because you don't understand anything that's going to happen next and the needles and medications are completely overwhelming. I remember sitting down on the floor and going through the box to see if I even understood what everything was and to try to match it up with my cycle calendar.

Here's the contents of my first "big box":

I've swapped out many of the drugs in this picture for various other fun varieties. But they all end the same, a lovely needle jabbed into soft flesh to inject a liquid that burns and possibly bruises. At the beginning I had to do each injection at home and it would take me about 30 minutes. By the end, I was injecting in the car, at bars, friends houses, you name it.

After switching up the cocktail a few times, here's a rundown of what actually ended up working for me after ordering most of my drugs from Europe through http://www.ivfmeds.com/ at about 1/2 the cost:

* Bravelle 225 IU CD 3-12

* Menopur 150 IU CD 3-12

* Prednisone 5mg 2x day CD 3-beta

* Ganirelix CD 9-11

* Folgard (mega dose Folic Acid, B6, B12) due to MTHFR

* Baby aspirin from CD1 (stop just for ER)

* Lovenox 40mg starting at ET through entire pg (switching to Heparin 1ml 2xday at the end) due to MTHFR

* Progesterone 1cc ET - 12 weeks

* Estrace (oral estrogen) ET - 12 weeks

* Vivelle (estrogen patch) ET - 12 weeks

If only this were the magic potion that would work exactly the same next time around, but alas, we all know that life is just not that perfect....

Where to begin?

Hmm, how can you sum up 2.5 years of hell? While I did have success with my DS, that doesn't change the emotional, physical and financial toll that infertility has taken...and will take again.

I hadn't quite figured out how to do this first post, but I think it will just be a vent of the things I hate about IF. For the fertiles who might be reading this, IF stands for infertilty. I've added a little dictionary of terms on the side in case anyone gets lost in the lingo.

Things I hate about IF:
* Getting my blood drawn every other day by an incompentent med. tech.
* Not being able to plan vacations in advance because you never know if you'll have a doc appt that day, be on bedrest, or in surgery
* Progesterone injections that cause big ol' knots in the booty - oh, and that my DH looks at my butt like a meat map from a steak restaurant finding the best place for an injection
* Swollen ovaries that make you bend over and walk funny
* Lying to friends about why you can't drink, or worse telling them why and then having them ask if it worked this time
* People who think they know what they are talking about and say that since I had one LO, my IF must be cured. Ignorant.
* Baby showers
* Insurance companies - don't even get me started, just thinking about Caremark can honestly make me cry. How complicated is it to fill my order correctly? As if I don't have enough to stress about - oh wait, I'm supposed to reduce my stress to get pregnant, yeah right
* Stim fat. That's where all the hormones being injected cause your body to get fat, mainly around the belly. Because there's nothing worse than shelling out thousands of dollars for just a mere chance at getting pregnant, getting a negative test, and then not being able to button your jeans. To quote another friends blog: "Insult, mean injury"
* The cost of it all. A friend complained about a $200 hospital copay for her kid. Really? Each injection into my tummy is $300 and I do that 4 times a day. Don't talk to me about money.
* Cysts are my enemy. For some reason my body hates all the hormones and I get a huge ol' cyst causing me to sit out every other cycle.
* Working while dealing with IF. It's this secret you keep and it's hard to explain why you show up late every other day, take 3 days off but can't predict when those 3 days will be, or start crying at your desk.
* Phone calls from the REs office. Could I be any more anxious every time the cell phone rings knowing it's my life and happiness they hold in my hands?

There are so many more things I hate about IF, but I would never leave my computer if I tried to list them all out.